What Hurts The Most
by EveryMe.EveryYou
Summary: Remus loved her, but she never loved him. He was always the person she leaned on. Why couldn't she see that he was better for her than James? Oneshot. It's better than it sounds. R


What Hurts The Most

**I want you to want me  
I need you to need me  
I'd love you love me  
I'm begging you to beg me**

**I Want You To Want Me – Letters To Cleo**

Remus walked out of his dorm room and sat down opposite his two best friends, James and Sirius.

"What's wrong with you?" Remus asked at a very sad looking James Potter. If his friend didn't look so upset he might have laughed.

"She turned him down… again," replied Sirius, stifling a laugh.

"Well, you can only try so many times without being hexed. Maybe lucky number thirty-six'll do the trick," added Remus, grinning.

"How could she turn me down again?!" wailed James. "Would you turn me down?"

"Nah, of course I wouldn't. Who could resist your pretty face?" answered Sirius in a mocking tone.

The Marauders all looked up when Peter came bumbling into the common room. It looked as though he'd been running around in the rain, or taken a shower without removing his clothes, but the others knew what had really happened: the Slytherin's had done it again. The boys suppressed a groan as they moved to allow Peter to join the circle.

It wasn't that the other Marauders didn't like Peter; he was nice enough but he was a follower. He'd jump off a cliff if he thought that it'd make Sirius laugh. They all knew that if they didn't let Peter in their circle, he'd have no friends.

Remus lifted his wand and silently dried Peter's clothes for him, as he always did. James and Sirius asked what had happened, as they always did. And Peter told them an over exaggerated story about how the Slytherin's had all jumped out from behind various pillars and statues to attack him, as he always did. So all-in-all it was a typical Tuesday night.

But then she walked in. She was hand in hand with some random Gryffindor seventh year, a fact that all of the Marauders, especially James, had noticed. Her smile glowed in a way that Remus had never seen before and just seeing that made him smile. He heard a small sigh from James and snapped out of his thoughts.

"What is it, Prongs? Are you okay?" asked Peter worriedly.

"Look at her. She's perfect, I'm perfect; so what's her problem?"

"Maybe you're too perfect for her," only Wormtail could make such a stupid suggestion.

"Maybe…" Sirius was the only person to react to Wormtail's obvious idiocy.

She started to wander over to the boys and they all instinctively knew to play cool for James' sake.

"Hey, Remus," she said brightly. "We're patrolling tonight so we should get going."

Remus stood carefully and waved at his classmates, who, he knew, were all staring enviously at his retreating figure. The air between them was relaxed, friendly, while they walked together in silence. To Remus, it all felt right, at least until she spoke.

"What is Potter's problem? He just can't take a hint."

"Well, you know James, he's very determined."

"Tell him to stop it, I have a boyfriend, you know. If he keeps it up I'm going to jinx him. It's gotta be, what, the thirty-fifth time he's asked me out?"

Remus suppressed a laugh, "yeah, something like that."

The silence wasn't that comfortable anymore, there was a definite uneasiness around her, like some sort of internal battle. Remus hated seeing her fret; although she didn't show it all that often. She took every challenge in her stride, or, at least, seemed to. The only time Remus thought he'd ever seen the real her was when they patrolled; almost like she wasn't afraid to show her feelings anymore.

They finished the first floor and walked up a flight of stairs, only just dodging a loudly singing Peeves. She stopped to check her reflection in a suit of armour and, once again, Remus caught a glimpse of the real her. She hid it well but contrary to popular belief, she cared a lot about how she looked and what people thought of her. Whenever Remus saw that, he imagined that he was in on her deepest, darkest secret.

She groaned softly and that prompted Remus to boldly ask what was wrong.

"Everything," she whispered softly. "At home, my parents worship me while my older sister hates me for being a witch. At school I get all this attention from the people I don't want it from and out there, well, I guess you know as well as I do what they do to people who are different. But you'll still have choices."

"What are you talking about? Why would I have choices?"

"Because the other side wants to recruit as many people like you as they can and teach them to do what comes naturally."

"People like me?" Remus was actually confused.

"You know, werewolves," she said in a tiny whisper.

Remus could feel his skin go cold, _how did she know_? He guessed for someone like her it wouldn't be that strange to figure out that he disappeared for the full moon every month, but still felt compelled to know for sure.

"How do you know about that?" Remus replied, equally as quiet.

"You get ill every month the days before, during and after the full moon. You also disappear for a night on the full moon so I just did some research. I got bored one afternoon," she admitted sheepishly.

Remus was more shocked than angry but his expression must have told a different story because she didn't apologize to many people or at least not this sincerely.

"I'm not mad, just confused. You aren't scared of me," Remus stated unsurely.

"I know better than to pick on someone for something they can't control, like blood status or your "furry little problem", I think that's what Potter calls it. The girls in my year think must have a badly behaved rabbit or something."

Remus laughed, "I'll have to remember that one; it'll give James a laugh."

At mention of James, she lengthened her stride so Remus was practically running to keep up with her. He guessed that James must be a sore point and that made his heart glow with happiness.

"Can I ask you something, Remus?" her voice was soft.

"Of course you can."

"I like this guy and I think he likes me, but I'm too scared to say anything, in case it's all a big joke to him, like everything else. What do I do?"

Remus was stuck for words. How could he give her advice when James was sitting in the common room all upset because she turned him down?

"I don't think I'm really the guy to give advice on these sorts of things."

Luckily for Remus, they had just finished their patrol and so he escaped to the common room and into the sanctuary of his friends.

_**

* * *

**_

As time went on, Remus watched her go through who knows how many boyfriends and with each one bought a new dilemma for him to solve. This one was a bad kisser, that one was really clingy, so Remus gave the same advice for them all: you should break up with him, and she did just that.

When they were seventeen she admitted that she had feelings for one boy in particular and was sick of trying to hide it. Remus had been thinking about everything she'd said to him over the years and was certain that she wanted him and much as he wanted her.

"I think I'm falling in love with James."

His heart felt like stone. He'd loved her for as long as he could remember although he was still supportive of James' attempts.

"He really likes you. He deflated his oversized head for you. You should ask him out," Remus didn't know what he was saying. He was on autopilot while his brain ceased to function.

_**

* * *

**_

For years he'd watched her and waited until the day she might come around, but that day would never come. She was marrying his best friend and he couldn't be happier… for them.

Her wavy red hair glowed in the sunlight but her smile glowed ten times as bright. She was happy and nothing could make him happier than seeing her like that. For the briefest moment, Remus envisioned that it was he, not James, who was waiting for the beautiful bride.

He stood next to Sirius, forcing a happy smile for the entire day but secretly waiting to go home so he could brood. He'd been getting quite good at brooding since the happy couple had announced their engagement.

Remus hated that he resented his friend, just a little, for marrying the girl he loved but James was still his best friend and they'd sworn when they started liking girls that they'd never fight over one, and they never had.

_**

* * *

**_

It couldn't be true, could it? They couldn't really be dead, could they? All of them except for little Harry were dead as a doornail. Even Peter was killed. Poor Peter, who they'd always pitied. Nothing would ever be the same for Remus again. He'd never smile or laugh the way he used to. How could anyone be happy knowing she was dead?

Remus laughed despite his grim mood. She'd died protecting her baby, _James'_ baby. It was ironic really. The man she'd hated for entire school life was her loving husband and father of her child. Remus, the friend she'd leaned on for support, was the man that got left behind, always left behind.

_**

* * *

**_

Even thirteen years after she was murdered it still killed Remus to look into James' face with her eyes. It was like Harry was mocking him, telling him that he'd never quite been the man she had wanted. He saw the same look that he gave Harry in the eyes of Severus Snape almost every single day.

If time is supposed to heal all wounds then why did Remus always feel so cold? There was no life left in him to enjoy, but that was before he met Dora.

He'd never forget the day he met her, she was so clumsy and unsure of herself, nothing like what he was used to. Maybe that was why Remus loved Dora, she helped him forget. She was his salvation.

Dora picked him up when he was down and let him cry on her shoulder. He was never embarrassed around her they way he had been with Lily. I guess it made sense that he ended up with someone so completely different to the girl who'd chosen his best friend.

Remus was glad that Lily had chosen James. He didn't want her. All he wanted was to live a long happy life with his son and love his wife until they day he died.

Too bad that Remus didn't know how soon that day would be.

* * *

A/N: My verrrrry first oneshot. Got the idea when I was reading an interview with J.K. Rowling on the net. Hope ya like it coz I love reviews...

Love ya. xxx


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